Monster

It has been quite the start to my last term of college.  One week down.  I can't remember if I did much homework yet but I do know I have gotten back into the swing of being gone from 7 or 8 till 7 or 8 jumping from one thing to another.  I have been able to either run or workout each day of the week which is nice and makes me feel productive.  The middle school has been so much fun and each day shows me more and more how much God loves that I spend time with these kids, and how much He loves them.  It's been a lot of fun and I have already caught myself beginning to feel sad for the day that I have to leave, knowing that I may never see some of them again.  I wish so badly that I had developed a stronger group of guys, it is my one disappointment from doing Younglife.  Yet I know that I got to see so many kids instead of having such a small group and I am so thankful for that.  I went by the high school on Friday as well and was reminded of all the relationships I didn't even realize I had grown.  I love how much God does without us noticing, I prefer it even.  It creates so much mystery and requires so much faith.  The way He relates with us and works in the world, even the pain, is absolutely perfect.  Someday I am probably going to feel serious enough pain to doubt that, I can't wait.

Right now I'm in the Library with my closed textbooks sitting next to me, listening to Monster by The Almost on Grooveshark.  My books have been there about an hour and a half and honestly... probably won't be opened tonight.  If I pick up any book it will be Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis which I began reading this week.  It is phenomenal.  His writing and argumentative style is so straight forward that you almost don't realize the wisdom he is speaking.  People want to make things so complex today.  Everything needs to mean something deeper, decisions need to be prayed about for months it seems like. [Confession: I prayed about one time, and it was half-hearted at that, about my trip to Greece,  there was just such peace about it and each time I though I should worry or think about it God just told me "Go, I got this."]  I don't understand it sometimes.  Anymore people can argue or over think about anything, do we truly prefer conflict rather than just accepting we may not know the right answer to some things in the world and should stop trying to be right?  I don't have TV or internet at my apartment this year and while it has led to some extended time on campus in the library [i.e. right now] I love it.  I go home and it is so solitary.  I play board games with my roommate and read.  It started out as just being frugal but now I realize how much the Lord is using it and how much more He is doing in my life because of it.  I recommend each college student try it for at least one term.  It made me realize I can't wait to have a family that spends more time together and has to much adventure to waste time watching TV.  I am not saying I won't have a TV or won't let my kids play video games, I just hope I raise them in a way that those things would be a last resort of entertainment.

I saw the movie True Grit last night and loved it.  I think I may have a probably objectifying movies and time periods in my own mind because I would love to be a salty old man camping in the uncharted western territories with only a Colt, scatter gun and my horse.  Back then it seemed they lived more connected with everything around them and even their own selves.  They didn't have time and couldn't afford to waste time arguing about stupid things and making sure everyone knew how complicated they were.  Most people are not nearly as complicated and profound and deep as they would like to think.  And that is the beauty of it.  God created mystery, pain, spirituality and life.  We don't need to make it out to be more than the amazing thing God has already made it to be.  God calls Himself "I Am".  If man had something like this I believe it would be something like "To Be".  As in we are to be His people, His creation, His love.  We are to simply be in this world loving and living under God's amazing power.

Today at Doxology, a church here in Corvallis, Pastor Pete gave one of the most moving sermons I have heard in a while.  Not often am I struck so hard.  I realized for so long I sought only to know about God and not truly know Him so I could impress others.  I still held back some of my emotion today and it took everything I had in me, which is exactly what Pete was rebuking today.  I know the Lord is taking away that control and I am slowly becoming fully submitted to Him.  I have been and continue at times to be a Monster, and while I hate it I was reminded last night by a quote in True Grit that "You must pay for everything in this world, one way and another. There is nothing free except the grace of God."

When I am a monster You never wince when you look at me.
When I am a freak You never stare.
When I am a leper You never say unclean.
And when I am lost You come and get me free.
You come and get me free.

____
Brad