It has been quite the day at school. Half way into hour 10 of class / homework and I think it's time to think about something other than my senior project. Today was such just an average kind ok day, I miss the weekend. Saturday was such a fun day. Long run in the morning after a younglife kids bball game then to my brothers house to goof around on skateboards and roller blades out in the street all afternoon... O man those are of the best memories, just having a hood rat day with the Bubs. As much I love Corvallis and everyone, it's good to get out into the forest and go for a run and pretend I'm in another state or in the middle of some 50k race in Europe. Such a good time to let my mind and body just do their thing, wander and run, respectively. Here are my mile post thoughts I think I would share:
Mile 1: "Why do I ever run anywhere but here? Perfect trails and open forest, doesn't even fell like a run yet. If I make a blog about this I wonder which song I would use."
Mile 2: "... She was pretty cute. Good to see a girl running somewhere other than a gym... and at a good pace too. Granted she just came down the mile of downhill I'm about to go up, time to start sweating."
Mile 3: "If it was any warmer I'd jump into the logging pond, this is rough going though, can't wait to mile 5 or 6 when I get into the groove and this gets fun."
Mile 4: "This section of uphill is a lot steeper than I remember. Alright, here we go, head up, hips forward."
Mile 5: "Now that was a Climb, I don't think I've had downhill since mile 2... time to coast."
Mile 6: "Wow what a view, for sure the next hike I take Katie on."
Mile 7: "Ok now the downhill is gettin to my knees, please don't be injured tomorrow body."
Mile 8: "Nice, a sign of civilization and I think the parking lot. This run is just getting good though, dang."
Mile 9: "69 minutes, I'll call that 9, what an amazing day. Time for a kick it day with Cah, hope my keys are still on my car tire... yep!"
Sometimes I wonder how far I could last if I literally ran away. Small pack, shoes and no roads allowed, that would be an experience. I think I'll go home now.
"We Could Run Away
And Be On Our Own Again"
The Son of Man has no place to lay his head.
Matt 8:20
____
Brad
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Restless
This term has gone by so fast. I thought I was going to be a lot more stressed too. Don't get me wrong, I have logged plenty of homework hours but... I really don't mind it. The art to college is understanding that it is a lot of work and you are willfully doing it so why not see it as God allowing you do exactly what you want to be doing. Now I know few people really want to do homework till late at night or over the weekend [i just do mine during the weekdays though] and in the short term it's not pleasing, it is worthwhile in the long term. If you have something better to do than go to class.. do it. If school stresses you out that much and you have better things to do... go do them and stop letting it ruin your day. When I look to what my future will be after applying myself and learning enough discipline to graduate I can honestly say I like going to school, I feel lazy and bored when I just do nothing, maybe that's why in five years I can only remember intentionally skipping a class maybe twice... I honestly can't remember that's just a guess cause I'm sure I missed some. (I did accidentally miss a math recitation freshman year and showed up an hour late). The point I'm getting too is that this term has been very enjoyable because I like what I do. I like playing in stock market simulation software way more than my class requires. I like going out to my senior project sponsor site and building workbenches and running a skill saw again (takes me back to summer). Even though this term has been great I feel so anxious to do more, a therapist I used to meet with would laugh and tell me I am "full of life" and that I want to do some many things that I just don't have time for right now in life. So here is a list of things I am thinking about or would like to do with my life, seeing that in a couple months I will have the time too pursue one of them I better get them on the table.
"But I'll have years to think of
The way I'd do the things I did
We're here now and I can change
But I'm still restless"
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; ALL things are possible with God."
Mark 10:27
____
Brad
- Work at Blount as an Engineer and work my way through management to be CEO.
- Work at Adec and mentor future MECOP interns.
- Go to Seminary on the East Coast.
- Start a Bible School in Bend with Brett.
- Get married young.
- Stay single into my 30's.
- Go to graduate school at MIT.
- Move to Colorado and get waaay to into running.
- Move to Utah and ski everyday.
- Start mountaineering seriously, which would probably lead to climbing Everest.
- Cross Country Ski to both the earth's poles.
- Play music more seriously.
- Move to Florida and wakeboard everyday.
- Buy a ranch and raise my boys on it.
- Live on a sailboat and sail around the world for a few years.
- Get more involved at my church and start a house church.
- Compete in Triathlons and do an Iron Man.
- Become a professional cyclist.
- Start an innovative Lean Manufacturing company.
- Be a firefighter and eventually "climb the ladder" so to speak.
- Get married, live in Portland and bring the Gospel to my neighbors.
- Move to Bend and see just how good at mountain biking I could be.
- Travel the world with my family as missionaries.
- Romance and live adventurously with a beautiful woman for the rest of my life.
"But I'll have years to think of
The way I'd do the things I did
We're here now and I can change
But I'm still restless"
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; ALL things are possible with God."
Mark 10:27
____
Brad
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Monster
It has been quite the start to my last term of college. One week down. I can't remember if I did much homework yet but I do know I have gotten back into the swing of being gone from 7 or 8 till 7 or 8 jumping from one thing to another. I have been able to either run or workout each day of the week which is nice and makes me feel productive. The middle school has been so much fun and each day shows me more and more how much God loves that I spend time with these kids, and how much He loves them. It's been a lot of fun and I have already caught myself beginning to feel sad for the day that I have to leave, knowing that I may never see some of them again. I wish so badly that I had developed a stronger group of guys, it is my one disappointment from doing Younglife. Yet I know that I got to see so many kids instead of having such a small group and I am so thankful for that. I went by the high school on Friday as well and was reminded of all the relationships I didn't even realize I had grown. I love how much God does without us noticing, I prefer it even. It creates so much mystery and requires so much faith. The way He relates with us and works in the world, even the pain, is absolutely perfect. Someday I am probably going to feel serious enough pain to doubt that, I can't wait.
Right now I'm in the Library with my closed textbooks sitting next to me, listening to Monster by The Almost on Grooveshark. My books have been there about an hour and a half and honestly... probably won't be opened tonight. If I pick up any book it will be Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis which I began reading this week. It is phenomenal. His writing and argumentative style is so straight forward that you almost don't realize the wisdom he is speaking. People want to make things so complex today. Everything needs to mean something deeper, decisions need to be prayed about for months it seems like. [Confession: I prayed about one time, and it was half-hearted at that, about my trip to Greece, there was just such peace about it and each time I though I should worry or think about it God just told me "Go, I got this."] I don't understand it sometimes. Anymore people can argue or over think about anything, do we truly prefer conflict rather than just accepting we may not know the right answer to some things in the world and should stop trying to be right? I don't have TV or internet at my apartment this year and while it has led to some extended time on campus in the library [i.e. right now] I love it. I go home and it is so solitary. I play board games with my roommate and read. It started out as just being frugal but now I realize how much the Lord is using it and how much more He is doing in my life because of it. I recommend each college student try it for at least one term. It made me realize I can't wait to have a family that spends more time together and has to much adventure to waste time watching TV. I am not saying I won't have a TV or won't let my kids play video games, I just hope I raise them in a way that those things would be a last resort of entertainment.
I saw the movie True Grit last night and loved it. I think I may have a probably objectifying movies and time periods in my own mind because I would love to be a salty old man camping in the uncharted western territories with only a Colt, scatter gun and my horse. Back then it seemed they lived more connected with everything around them and even their own selves. They didn't have time and couldn't afford to waste time arguing about stupid things and making sure everyone knew how complicated they were. Most people are not nearly as complicated and profound and deep as they would like to think. And that is the beauty of it. God created mystery, pain, spirituality and life. We don't need to make it out to be more than the amazing thing God has already made it to be. God calls Himself "I Am". If man had something like this I believe it would be something like "To Be". As in we are to be His people, His creation, His love. We are to simply be in this world loving and living under God's amazing power.
Today at Doxology, a church here in Corvallis, Pastor Pete gave one of the most moving sermons I have heard in a while. Not often am I struck so hard. I realized for so long I sought only to know about God and not truly know Him so I could impress others. I still held back some of my emotion today and it took everything I had in me, which is exactly what Pete was rebuking today. I know the Lord is taking away that control and I am slowly becoming fully submitted to Him. I have been and continue at times to be a Monster, and while I hate it I was reminded last night by a quote in True Grit that "You must pay for everything in this world, one way and another. There is nothing free except the grace of God."
When I am a monster You never wince when you look at me.
When I am a freak You never stare.
When I am a leper You never say unclean.
And when I am lost You come and get me free.
You come and get me free.
____
Brad
Right now I'm in the Library with my closed textbooks sitting next to me, listening to Monster by The Almost on Grooveshark. My books have been there about an hour and a half and honestly... probably won't be opened tonight. If I pick up any book it will be Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis which I began reading this week. It is phenomenal. His writing and argumentative style is so straight forward that you almost don't realize the wisdom he is speaking. People want to make things so complex today. Everything needs to mean something deeper, decisions need to be prayed about for months it seems like. [Confession: I prayed about one time, and it was half-hearted at that, about my trip to Greece, there was just such peace about it and each time I though I should worry or think about it God just told me "Go, I got this."] I don't understand it sometimes. Anymore people can argue or over think about anything, do we truly prefer conflict rather than just accepting we may not know the right answer to some things in the world and should stop trying to be right? I don't have TV or internet at my apartment this year and while it has led to some extended time on campus in the library [i.e. right now] I love it. I go home and it is so solitary. I play board games with my roommate and read. It started out as just being frugal but now I realize how much the Lord is using it and how much more He is doing in my life because of it. I recommend each college student try it for at least one term. It made me realize I can't wait to have a family that spends more time together and has to much adventure to waste time watching TV. I am not saying I won't have a TV or won't let my kids play video games, I just hope I raise them in a way that those things would be a last resort of entertainment.
I saw the movie True Grit last night and loved it. I think I may have a probably objectifying movies and time periods in my own mind because I would love to be a salty old man camping in the uncharted western territories with only a Colt, scatter gun and my horse. Back then it seemed they lived more connected with everything around them and even their own selves. They didn't have time and couldn't afford to waste time arguing about stupid things and making sure everyone knew how complicated they were. Most people are not nearly as complicated and profound and deep as they would like to think. And that is the beauty of it. God created mystery, pain, spirituality and life. We don't need to make it out to be more than the amazing thing God has already made it to be. God calls Himself "I Am". If man had something like this I believe it would be something like "To Be". As in we are to be His people, His creation, His love. We are to simply be in this world loving and living under God's amazing power.
Today at Doxology, a church here in Corvallis, Pastor Pete gave one of the most moving sermons I have heard in a while. Not often am I struck so hard. I realized for so long I sought only to know about God and not truly know Him so I could impress others. I still held back some of my emotion today and it took everything I had in me, which is exactly what Pete was rebuking today. I know the Lord is taking away that control and I am slowly becoming fully submitted to Him. I have been and continue at times to be a Monster, and while I hate it I was reminded last night by a quote in True Grit that "You must pay for everything in this world, one way and another. There is nothing free except the grace of God."
When I am a monster You never wince when you look at me.
When I am a freak You never stare.
When I am a leper You never say unclean.
And when I am lost You come and get me free.
You come and get me free.
____
Brad
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Livin' Part of Life
Today is the last day of winter break before my last term of college. I can't believe I may only have one last first day of school. When I graduated high school my mom found all these old pictures of me and compared my first day of 1st Grade with my first day of my Senior Year. I don't know what I'm going to wear yet but I think I'll take of pose with my bike right before my last first day of school trek into campus tomorrow morning.
This winter break was a fast one. A lot seemed to happen while I felt like I didn't do a whole lot. Christmas Eve downtown with my family was a pretty big highlight as was the New Years Eve party. All day today while painting an Apartment in the morning and going shopping with my family I have been humming Livin' Part of Life by Eric Church. Because as much fun as this winter break was I spent way to much time trying to live the future instead of the life the Lord has blessed me with today. It led to much wasted time and some relational turmoil in my life. In Genesis 1 the Lord tells Adam he is free to eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden, though he must not eat from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It's interesting to me that although Adam shouldn't, he still can eat from the tree. Why didn't God just tell him he can't, heck why not just make it physically impossible. I wish there were some things that were physically impossible for me to do. Because I did a few things on the "should not" list even though I was free to do so this winter break. And as always I now see full well why God is God and Brad is well... Brad, among other possibly discouraging words.
For that reason I'd bet my bottom dollar that I would be writing this same Blog even if it were the middle of June, granted I have to admit that the whole New Years Resolution feel in the air is most likely encouraging the change I want in my life. The other night I think I toasted a glass of sparkling cider to 2011. A year. A year that will eventual end with people being excited for the next and having forgotten all the things they wanted to do better when it started. The way I see it each day is the start of a new year, depending on what day you measure it from. So, as of January 2nd here is to a few more late nights with the boys, and a lot less awkward conversations with the women folk that by now I have mostly wronged and had awkward conversations with anyway. Here is to finally reading the Bible in a year, on schedule, and purposely. Here is too enjoying life as I did the beginning of last term. Here is to being content in the Lord and being excited to see Him in my day. Here is to early Bible studies with my brothers and Thursday nights with good friends. Time to focus back on school and less on if others think I'm cool. I hope those of you reading this can notice a peace in my life, and I hope you know that it is all from my Father.
This life can sure be a mother, so tomorrow I'm taking me fishin', I'll hang a sign on the door of my life that tells the world my worries have gone missing. It's time to get a friend back and soak in all the ways the Lord pulls at my heart. It's time for obedience and service that I was too proud to admit my body needed. It's time to boast in the Lord.
But first a drive back to Corvallis and two more awkward, but heartfelt conversations.
____
Brad
This winter break was a fast one. A lot seemed to happen while I felt like I didn't do a whole lot. Christmas Eve downtown with my family was a pretty big highlight as was the New Years Eve party. All day today while painting an Apartment in the morning and going shopping with my family I have been humming Livin' Part of Life by Eric Church. Because as much fun as this winter break was I spent way to much time trying to live the future instead of the life the Lord has blessed me with today. It led to much wasted time and some relational turmoil in my life. In Genesis 1 the Lord tells Adam he is free to eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden, though he must not eat from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It's interesting to me that although Adam shouldn't, he still can eat from the tree. Why didn't God just tell him he can't, heck why not just make it physically impossible. I wish there were some things that were physically impossible for me to do. Because I did a few things on the "should not" list even though I was free to do so this winter break. And as always I now see full well why God is God and Brad is well... Brad, among other possibly discouraging words.
For that reason I'd bet my bottom dollar that I would be writing this same Blog even if it were the middle of June, granted I have to admit that the whole New Years Resolution feel in the air is most likely encouraging the change I want in my life. The other night I think I toasted a glass of sparkling cider to 2011. A year. A year that will eventual end with people being excited for the next and having forgotten all the things they wanted to do better when it started. The way I see it each day is the start of a new year, depending on what day you measure it from. So, as of January 2nd here is to a few more late nights with the boys, and a lot less awkward conversations with the women folk that by now I have mostly wronged and had awkward conversations with anyway. Here is to finally reading the Bible in a year, on schedule, and purposely. Here is too enjoying life as I did the beginning of last term. Here is to being content in the Lord and being excited to see Him in my day. Here is to early Bible studies with my brothers and Thursday nights with good friends. Time to focus back on school and less on if others think I'm cool. I hope those of you reading this can notice a peace in my life, and I hope you know that it is all from my Father.
This life can sure be a mother, so tomorrow I'm taking me fishin', I'll hang a sign on the door of my life that tells the world my worries have gone missing. It's time to get a friend back and soak in all the ways the Lord pulls at my heart. It's time for obedience and service that I was too proud to admit my body needed. It's time to boast in the Lord.
But first a drive back to Corvallis and two more awkward, but heartfelt conversations.
____
Brad
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