It has been quite the start to my last term of college. One week down. I can't remember if I did much homework yet but I do know I have gotten back into the swing of being gone from 7 or 8 till 7 or 8 jumping from one thing to another. I have been able to either run or workout each day of the week which is nice and makes me feel productive. The middle school has been so much fun and each day shows me more and more how much God loves that I spend time with these kids, and how much He loves them. It's been a lot of fun and I have already caught myself beginning to feel sad for the day that I have to leave, knowing that I may never see some of them again. I wish so badly that I had developed a stronger group of guys, it is my one disappointment from doing Younglife. Yet I know that I got to see so many kids instead of having such a small group and I am so thankful for that. I went by the high school on Friday as well and was reminded of all the relationships I didn't even realize I had grown. I love how much God does without us noticing, I prefer it even. It creates so much mystery and requires so much faith. The way He relates with us and works in the world, even the pain, is absolutely perfect. Someday I am probably going to feel serious enough pain to doubt that, I can't wait.
Right now I'm in the Library with my closed textbooks sitting next to me, listening to Monster by The Almost on Grooveshark. My books have been there about an hour and a half and honestly... probably won't be opened tonight. If I pick up any book it will be Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis which I began reading this week. It is phenomenal. His writing and argumentative style is so straight forward that you almost don't realize the wisdom he is speaking. People want to make things so complex today. Everything needs to mean something deeper, decisions need to be prayed about for months it seems like. [Confession: I prayed about one time, and it was half-hearted at that, about my trip to Greece, there was just such peace about it and each time I though I should worry or think about it God just told me "Go, I got this."] I don't understand it sometimes. Anymore people can argue or over think about anything, do we truly prefer conflict rather than just accepting we may not know the right answer to some things in the world and should stop trying to be right? I don't have TV or internet at my apartment this year and while it has led to some extended time on campus in the library [i.e. right now] I love it. I go home and it is so solitary. I play board games with my roommate and read. It started out as just being frugal but now I realize how much the Lord is using it and how much more He is doing in my life because of it. I recommend each college student try it for at least one term. It made me realize I can't wait to have a family that spends more time together and has to much adventure to waste time watching TV. I am not saying I won't have a TV or won't let my kids play video games, I just hope I raise them in a way that those things would be a last resort of entertainment.
I saw the movie True Grit last night and loved it. I think I may have a probably objectifying movies and time periods in my own mind because I would love to be a salty old man camping in the uncharted western territories with only a Colt, scatter gun and my horse. Back then it seemed they lived more connected with everything around them and even their own selves. They didn't have time and couldn't afford to waste time arguing about stupid things and making sure everyone knew how complicated they were. Most people are not nearly as complicated and profound and deep as they would like to think. And that is the beauty of it. God created mystery, pain, spirituality and life. We don't need to make it out to be more than the amazing thing God has already made it to be. God calls Himself "I Am". If man had something like this I believe it would be something like "To Be". As in we are to be His people, His creation, His love. We are to simply be in this world loving and living under God's amazing power.
Today at Doxology, a church here in Corvallis, Pastor Pete gave one of the most moving sermons I have heard in a while. Not often am I struck so hard. I realized for so long I sought only to know about God and not truly know Him so I could impress others. I still held back some of my emotion today and it took everything I had in me, which is exactly what Pete was rebuking today. I know the Lord is taking away that control and I am slowly becoming fully submitted to Him. I have been and continue at times to be a Monster, and while I hate it I was reminded last night by a quote in True Grit that "You must pay for everything in this world, one way and another. There is nothing free except the grace of God."
When I am a monster You never wince when you look at me.
When I am a freak You never stare.
When I am a leper You never say unclean.
And when I am lost You come and get me free.
You come and get me free.
____
Brad
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Livin' Part of Life
Today is the last day of winter break before my last term of college. I can't believe I may only have one last first day of school. When I graduated high school my mom found all these old pictures of me and compared my first day of 1st Grade with my first day of my Senior Year. I don't know what I'm going to wear yet but I think I'll take of pose with my bike right before my last first day of school trek into campus tomorrow morning.
This winter break was a fast one. A lot seemed to happen while I felt like I didn't do a whole lot. Christmas Eve downtown with my family was a pretty big highlight as was the New Years Eve party. All day today while painting an Apartment in the morning and going shopping with my family I have been humming Livin' Part of Life by Eric Church. Because as much fun as this winter break was I spent way to much time trying to live the future instead of the life the Lord has blessed me with today. It led to much wasted time and some relational turmoil in my life. In Genesis 1 the Lord tells Adam he is free to eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden, though he must not eat from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It's interesting to me that although Adam shouldn't, he still can eat from the tree. Why didn't God just tell him he can't, heck why not just make it physically impossible. I wish there were some things that were physically impossible for me to do. Because I did a few things on the "should not" list even though I was free to do so this winter break. And as always I now see full well why God is God and Brad is well... Brad, among other possibly discouraging words.
For that reason I'd bet my bottom dollar that I would be writing this same Blog even if it were the middle of June, granted I have to admit that the whole New Years Resolution feel in the air is most likely encouraging the change I want in my life. The other night I think I toasted a glass of sparkling cider to 2011. A year. A year that will eventual end with people being excited for the next and having forgotten all the things they wanted to do better when it started. The way I see it each day is the start of a new year, depending on what day you measure it from. So, as of January 2nd here is to a few more late nights with the boys, and a lot less awkward conversations with the women folk that by now I have mostly wronged and had awkward conversations with anyway. Here is to finally reading the Bible in a year, on schedule, and purposely. Here is too enjoying life as I did the beginning of last term. Here is to being content in the Lord and being excited to see Him in my day. Here is to early Bible studies with my brothers and Thursday nights with good friends. Time to focus back on school and less on if others think I'm cool. I hope those of you reading this can notice a peace in my life, and I hope you know that it is all from my Father.
This life can sure be a mother, so tomorrow I'm taking me fishin', I'll hang a sign on the door of my life that tells the world my worries have gone missing. It's time to get a friend back and soak in all the ways the Lord pulls at my heart. It's time for obedience and service that I was too proud to admit my body needed. It's time to boast in the Lord.
But first a drive back to Corvallis and two more awkward, but heartfelt conversations.
____
Brad
This winter break was a fast one. A lot seemed to happen while I felt like I didn't do a whole lot. Christmas Eve downtown with my family was a pretty big highlight as was the New Years Eve party. All day today while painting an Apartment in the morning and going shopping with my family I have been humming Livin' Part of Life by Eric Church. Because as much fun as this winter break was I spent way to much time trying to live the future instead of the life the Lord has blessed me with today. It led to much wasted time and some relational turmoil in my life. In Genesis 1 the Lord tells Adam he is free to eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden, though he must not eat from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It's interesting to me that although Adam shouldn't, he still can eat from the tree. Why didn't God just tell him he can't, heck why not just make it physically impossible. I wish there were some things that were physically impossible for me to do. Because I did a few things on the "should not" list even though I was free to do so this winter break. And as always I now see full well why God is God and Brad is well... Brad, among other possibly discouraging words.
For that reason I'd bet my bottom dollar that I would be writing this same Blog even if it were the middle of June, granted I have to admit that the whole New Years Resolution feel in the air is most likely encouraging the change I want in my life. The other night I think I toasted a glass of sparkling cider to 2011. A year. A year that will eventual end with people being excited for the next and having forgotten all the things they wanted to do better when it started. The way I see it each day is the start of a new year, depending on what day you measure it from. So, as of January 2nd here is to a few more late nights with the boys, and a lot less awkward conversations with the women folk that by now I have mostly wronged and had awkward conversations with anyway. Here is to finally reading the Bible in a year, on schedule, and purposely. Here is too enjoying life as I did the beginning of last term. Here is to being content in the Lord and being excited to see Him in my day. Here is to early Bible studies with my brothers and Thursday nights with good friends. Time to focus back on school and less on if others think I'm cool. I hope those of you reading this can notice a peace in my life, and I hope you know that it is all from my Father.
This life can sure be a mother, so tomorrow I'm taking me fishin', I'll hang a sign on the door of my life that tells the world my worries have gone missing. It's time to get a friend back and soak in all the ways the Lord pulls at my heart. It's time for obedience and service that I was too proud to admit my body needed. It's time to boast in the Lord.
But first a drive back to Corvallis and two more awkward, but heartfelt conversations.
____
Brad
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Old Bird Dog
It looks like this whole Blogger thing was a hit so I suppose I'll post more than once a month like I had planned. Right now I'm sitting in some damp boardshorts on facebook chat while down loading Old Bird Dog by Crossing Dixon. Thought I might just get onto my blogger and pump out another Tid Bit.
My last post I said I was going to go out for a run, I need to be honest with you all and tell you that was a lie, I did not run. I cleaned out, filled, emptied and re-filled my hot tub, which was fun, I miss having manual labor in my life where I can put on my boots, dirty jeans, and an old sweatshirt. I hope I have a big yard when I'm older, not to picky about the house, just a big yard to sculpt and put my youngin's to work in. Maybe even a ranch. Anyway, I digress.
This weekend was a great time of going to church and taking a break from my normal introverted nights. Yesterday was a great end to the weekend, I know it was Monday but for those of us who don't have work it was just part of this really long lazy weekend of winter break. Last night me and my Cholo hommies rolled up to a Ganster party in our gear, after the initial mean mugging and call-outs were over it continued to be a classic awkward gathering that typically results when white girls from Solidrock have a "Ganster" style Christmas dance party... The Trailblazer jerseys and flat billed ball caps were overwhelming. But it was fun and I ate lots of sugar cookies and red vines, for sure a win in my book. I also discovered that this blog has gained quite the popularity as some fellow "G's" told me that they peeped at my writings... I had no clue and still wonder how they found my blog, but this means people actually read what I am saying! So stoked! After many positive reactions I knew I had to make a sequel to "Just Like You".
Yesterday, before the party, I went to the mountain with some friends and taught myself to ski all morning, for only being the third time I ever had skis on my feet I think I was tackling the Blue Diamonds of Mt Hood Meadows like a pro (Meadows: I'll be expecting payment for that shout-out in my blog). After lunch me and Thomas switched so I got to board the afternoon and he had a nice couple hours of burning thighs and awkward falls. Came back, hit the tub then the party. Today I was helping my brother and dad help clean our creek with a fire hose, once again in my manual labor outfit (love it!), when we found some large vines to swing from on a tree, after some Tarzan impersonations and dinosaur jokes after my brother ripped the vine on the tree trying it, we decided we were cold enough to get in the hot tub. While in the tub my dads friends came by with a Ton of traeger (BBQ) pellets. So we got out and helped unload 100 bags of pellets all the while making jokes about how this amount will probably be around long enough to cook the food we'll eat at my kids birthday party. We also walked through a house being built near mine. One of a favorite things is walking through a house while its being framed with my dad and brother talking about the things we would have changed or what we like about the house. Then someone showed up to the site so we Skedaddled out the back door back up to our lower yard.
Throughout this day my dad's ipod was playing and the song Old Bird Dog came on. It's by crossing dixon and it is quite good. It reminds me of our old bird dog Winston, he was a black lab and truly a part of the family. We put him to sleep the day I graduated high school, but he was an absolute champ till the very end. His collar still hangs on a set of elk antlers in our garage with the duck calls my dad would use when they hunted. I have so many good memories with Winston and we all still miss him to this day. My parents will probably never get another dog because it just wouldn't be the same. Winston was a well trained bird dog. He never barked at people walking by, he obeyed every command given to him, he was motionless while heeling but powerful when bounding through brush and into water. He gave our family a standard of what a dog should be that I have yet to have seen. From the day he knocked me down jumping out of the truck the day we got him there was always just something so comforting about being around him and just looking at him you knew he was proud to be apart of the family and knew is role, and played it well. I just finished a book about the masculine journey and it defines the final years of a man's life as being a sage, a wise person that has grown through experiencing life with the Lord, they don't move to palm springs but actively mentor the young men around them. When I think of Winston I'd like to picture him as a sage in his own way teaching me things about throwing sticks and faithfulness. I hope I experience my life with the Lord by my side so that when society considers me worthless and tells me to step aside I will be telling young men about what life was like in 2010 and all the things I can't wait to be taught in the years to come.
Well that's all this Old Bird Dog can muster for now.
____
Brad
My last post I said I was going to go out for a run, I need to be honest with you all and tell you that was a lie, I did not run. I cleaned out, filled, emptied and re-filled my hot tub, which was fun, I miss having manual labor in my life where I can put on my boots, dirty jeans, and an old sweatshirt. I hope I have a big yard when I'm older, not to picky about the house, just a big yard to sculpt and put my youngin's to work in. Maybe even a ranch. Anyway, I digress.
This weekend was a great time of going to church and taking a break from my normal introverted nights. Yesterday was a great end to the weekend, I know it was Monday but for those of us who don't have work it was just part of this really long lazy weekend of winter break. Last night me and my Cholo hommies rolled up to a Ganster party in our gear, after the initial mean mugging and call-outs were over it continued to be a classic awkward gathering that typically results when white girls from Solidrock have a "Ganster" style Christmas dance party... The Trailblazer jerseys and flat billed ball caps were overwhelming. But it was fun and I ate lots of sugar cookies and red vines, for sure a win in my book. I also discovered that this blog has gained quite the popularity as some fellow "G's" told me that they peeped at my writings... I had no clue and still wonder how they found my blog, but this means people actually read what I am saying! So stoked! After many positive reactions I knew I had to make a sequel to "Just Like You".
Yesterday, before the party, I went to the mountain with some friends and taught myself to ski all morning, for only being the third time I ever had skis on my feet I think I was tackling the Blue Diamonds of Mt Hood Meadows like a pro (Meadows: I'll be expecting payment for that shout-out in my blog). After lunch me and Thomas switched so I got to board the afternoon and he had a nice couple hours of burning thighs and awkward falls. Came back, hit the tub then the party. Today I was helping my brother and dad help clean our creek with a fire hose, once again in my manual labor outfit (love it!), when we found some large vines to swing from on a tree, after some Tarzan impersonations and dinosaur jokes after my brother ripped the vine on the tree trying it, we decided we were cold enough to get in the hot tub. While in the tub my dads friends came by with a Ton of traeger (BBQ) pellets. So we got out and helped unload 100 bags of pellets all the while making jokes about how this amount will probably be around long enough to cook the food we'll eat at my kids birthday party. We also walked through a house being built near mine. One of a favorite things is walking through a house while its being framed with my dad and brother talking about the things we would have changed or what we like about the house. Then someone showed up to the site so we Skedaddled out the back door back up to our lower yard.
Throughout this day my dad's ipod was playing and the song Old Bird Dog came on. It's by crossing dixon and it is quite good. It reminds me of our old bird dog Winston, he was a black lab and truly a part of the family. We put him to sleep the day I graduated high school, but he was an absolute champ till the very end. His collar still hangs on a set of elk antlers in our garage with the duck calls my dad would use when they hunted. I have so many good memories with Winston and we all still miss him to this day. My parents will probably never get another dog because it just wouldn't be the same. Winston was a well trained bird dog. He never barked at people walking by, he obeyed every command given to him, he was motionless while heeling but powerful when bounding through brush and into water. He gave our family a standard of what a dog should be that I have yet to have seen. From the day he knocked me down jumping out of the truck the day we got him there was always just something so comforting about being around him and just looking at him you knew he was proud to be apart of the family and knew is role, and played it well. I just finished a book about the masculine journey and it defines the final years of a man's life as being a sage, a wise person that has grown through experiencing life with the Lord, they don't move to palm springs but actively mentor the young men around them. When I think of Winston I'd like to picture him as a sage in his own way teaching me things about throwing sticks and faithfulness. I hope I experience my life with the Lord by my side so that when society considers me worthless and tells me to step aside I will be telling young men about what life was like in 2010 and all the things I can't wait to be taught in the years to come.
Well that's all this Old Bird Dog can muster for now.
____
Brad
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Just Like You
Well, here is to trying something new. A friend of mine said she only uses blogs when she's feeling creative, that it's more of getting something off your mind than having the people actually read it kind of thing. I can see that, and to think about how many blogs there are in the world I doubt many of them get read at all. That being said I doubt I'll post to much on here, either because I'll forget about it and be to busy living my life than writing about it, or maybe I'll hate the thought of spending time on something that I know nobody will read, that would be an inefficient way to spend my time and who knows, I might just be that shallow. I'd like to think there is more to me than the engineer that Oregon State has so carefully groomed me to be. I know there is but doubt he will have his coming out party via google blogs haha.
Right now I'm sitting in my living room debating going on a run and listening to Just Like You by Keb Mo, and of course writing my first blog. With only one more term of school left there is sure going to be some change in my life in the next 6 months. A year from now I'll probably have a job and a nice assortment of ties in my closet and I just can't think about that right now, so we'll stick to the six month horizon. Wherever I may be in life 6 months from now I'm sure of only two things really, I'll have grown and experienced some awesome things, but I'll also feel the same about life as I do right now. Five years of college flew by and I sure have experienced some things and grown but I still have such a thirst for adventure and desire to be pursued by the Lord and live abandoned to His kingdom. So future self, you may be the only person that reads this and I hope you made the most of your last term of college. Keep growing your friendships cause you know some amazing people and you won't get to be around such a great group of people much longer or ever again in your life, seek His truth and stretch yourself. I hope graduating school and traveling this summer satisfies some of this adventurous thirst you had and still will have. I want to do so many things with my life and have so much more adventure than I currently do so I also hope you found some contentment, while still growing in optimism and passion in life. Future self, I have a feeling I'll be just like you.
Well that's enough wasted time for now and it stopped raining, off for a run.
____
Brad
Right now I'm sitting in my living room debating going on a run and listening to Just Like You by Keb Mo, and of course writing my first blog. With only one more term of school left there is sure going to be some change in my life in the next 6 months. A year from now I'll probably have a job and a nice assortment of ties in my closet and I just can't think about that right now, so we'll stick to the six month horizon. Wherever I may be in life 6 months from now I'm sure of only two things really, I'll have grown and experienced some awesome things, but I'll also feel the same about life as I do right now. Five years of college flew by and I sure have experienced some things and grown but I still have such a thirst for adventure and desire to be pursued by the Lord and live abandoned to His kingdom. So future self, you may be the only person that reads this and I hope you made the most of your last term of college. Keep growing your friendships cause you know some amazing people and you won't get to be around such a great group of people much longer or ever again in your life, seek His truth and stretch yourself. I hope graduating school and traveling this summer satisfies some of this adventurous thirst you had and still will have. I want to do so many things with my life and have so much more adventure than I currently do so I also hope you found some contentment, while still growing in optimism and passion in life. Future self, I have a feeling I'll be just like you.
Well that's enough wasted time for now and it stopped raining, off for a run.
____
Brad
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